ZooBoo

First of all, thanks to everyone who responded to my last post with such positive and encouraging comments. It definitely helps to hear what other moms out there are doing to stay sane! I think the night I wrote it was just a really hard day, but I'm feeling much better about things since. And I think I'm going to try to take a photography class or something...to pursue something I enjoy and have an excuse to "have" to get out of the house at least once a week! Plus I just got a really nice camera for my birthday, so I have to use it. And all of you are so right about just enjoying the time I have with my kids and what not...thanks everyone!

This morning has been filled with laundry and cleaning. Hopefully we'll be able to get out of the house this afternoon and run some errands. I've been wanting to get to the fabric store and find some blackout material to make curtains for our bedroom (and I have a 50% off coupon that expires today). Our bedroom has a huge sliding glass door that faces south, so we get a lot of light and heat/cold through it during the day. When it was really hot Kevin put foam in it and completely blocked out everything. Nice and dark, but not so easy to just let light in when we wanted it. I have a whole list of things like that that I think I might be able to get around to someday. The usual house cleaning and child activities usually take first priority, though.

Last weekend we took the kids to ZooBoo, the halloween event at the Zoo. I had to work, but got to hang out with Kevin and the kids for a little bit while they were there. Here are some photos:

This is me and my boss, Patty Peters. All the gals from marketing, education and admin dressed up as "beauty queens" with titles such as Miss Information, Miss Behave, Miss Taken, Miss Fortune, etc. Easy costume to wear with our uniforms and lots of fun!

Feeling Lost

Earlier today after I got home from picking Em up from preschool and making a quick stop at the grocery store to pick up some ingredients for a dinner to take to a family who just had their 10th child, I was being quite irritable and Kevin asked me what was wrong. Well, of course I told him a bunch of random things that probably contribute to what's wrong but aren't the real problem, like how I feel stressed with everything I need to do and that our house is always messy and dirty and etc. etc. Kevin is always really good about calling me on my bad days...it usually makes me more aware that I'm not being so nice and I consciously try to be better. Unfortunately it doesn't necessarily make me feel better. Anyway, through the course of the day I thought of a few things, like the conversation I had with my father-in-law last week about what I do for fun...answer: nothing, I live to serve my family (a little sarcastic, but mostly the truth). It was a short conversation, not much else was said, we left off on kind of a joke about it. I brought that up to Kevin and he asked me what I would like to do for fun if I did have time. I didn't have an answer. Then I was watching Desperate Housewives and there was an exchange between Lynette and her husband that sounded just like a conversation Kevin and I might have about how he works hard and deserves time to go play with the band (or go surfing, or biking) and in my "spare" time I get to go grocery shopping or whatever. I should go back and watch it again, but I was sitting on the floor with Allison and Kevin was behind us at his desk and I remember giving him the knowing look. [and before you think, well look, he's working and you're watching TV, just know that I was helping him with his work all morning rather than doing my own, and I just turned on the TV when I was feeding Allison, so there.] Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter about it; it's just interesting how the whole man/woman, husband/wife, dad/mom roles get played out not just in our lives but apparently in TV lives too. And if it's on TV, it must happen to a lot of people, right?

Just now for the past while (has it really been an hour and a half?) I've been reading a bunch of blogs. People in all walks of life with different joys and pains and activities. Well it just hit me what is bothering me - I am feeling lost. Lost in my own aspirations to do everything yet do nothing. Does that make sense? I run around all day feeling stressed about this and that and what needs to be done or planned and at the end of the day I feel like I've accomplished nothing. I haven't spent much quality time with my children, I haven't cleaned or organized, I haven't done anything "fun" and I haven't even gotten much (paid) work done, despite feeling like I've been doing it all day. Or I feel like I am bound because I need to do something but it can't be done until something else gets done first and that first item is not on the list... So reading all these blogs, perhaps it's the illusion that everyone writes just about the good times, but it makes me enjoy their moments yet feel sad that I am not doing much in my life. Now, I'm sure you might be thinking "look at all the things you do..." but how much of it is worthwhile or making a difference for my family? Am I just being pessimistic about this?

Then the whole question of "what would you do for fun if you did have time?" I still don't know! I like to take photographs - is that a good activity? Then what to do with them? I used to love dancing. Unfortunately the kind I like involves a partner, and my husband is not so willing. Or he's just gone, or busy catching up on work. I also used to love watercolor painting. If I could come up with some space for it that might be a good one to pick up again. I thought it might be fun to get together with some friends and go out. The sad truth is, though, I don't really have many friends who I feel like I could just call and ask to go hang out. What about the ones who just drop by and bring donuts and cider on a Saturday morning (I saw that on my distant friend's blog and thought that was so cool). Is it because I have been working outside my home for the past few years that I don't have playdates for the kids? I don't know. I guess I'm just feeling a little sad and out of place in the world right now. I probably should go read my scriptures and pray (two more things that don't happen as often as they should...). Knowing Kevin will be leaving me for the next two days just adds to it. What to do? Sorry to vent on you, blog world, but maybe someone out there will have a few kind words of advice? How do you people do it all and still seem to be having such a good time?

My Latest Discovery

Okay, I can't really claim it as my own discovery, since some friends told me about it. Kraftfoods.com. It ROCKS! Not only can you sign up for a free magazine full of easy and family-friendly recipes, you can find same recipes (all past issues included) on the website and put them into your own recipe box. Why is this so great, you ask? Because it substantially helps my recent (uh, past few years?) food rut.

I'll be honest - I'm not the greatest eater in the world. Not that I eat junk food all the time, but I don't think I eat enough good foods, and often not enough food, period. Mostly because I hate going through the recipes, making the list, going to the store, putting everything away, then trying to have enough energy to actually make the food... and I get sick of frozen burritos and corn dogs after a few days. Menu planning is so time-consuming and energy draining for me.

Enter kraftfoods.com. I can search through their lovely photos of recipes, pick the ones that look good, and click a button to place them into my recipe box. Then when I am going to go to the grocery store, I pick out a few of those recipes that look good, click "add to shopping list", and Voila, instant grocery list including all necessary items to cook my chosen recipes. You can even add in your own recipes to your box and add extra items to your shopping list. I love it! So yes, I still have to decide what I want and make the list, but it takes about 1/10 of the time and all the pictures make it so much easier to pick a meal. AND all the recipes are really easy to make.

That's it. I just wanted to share.

Photo Update - August and September 2008

The top is Emily. The bottom is Allison. Both 8 months old! I think Emily was a little chubbier! Even though Allison is pretty chubby. And I have no idea what happened to that blue bathtub. We went to look for it after Allison was born and it had disappeared! So Allison has the girlie pink one.

I found some new jackets at Target (yes, I buy nearly all their clothes there...they have so many cute things at great prices, and it doesn't help that Target is one block away from our house). Emily's is pretty big on her, but at the rate she's growing it should fit perfect by February. And Allison loves this polka dot hoodie - she held it the whole time in the store and didn't want to let go. Her eyes light up every time she sees it!

What more fun than playing in the toy boxes on Sunday before church. I first put Allison in one to se what she would do, then of course Emily wanted to join in the fun. I think Allison just discovered her tongue that day or something. She was sticking it out like that for nearly an hour. There's nothing to make a mother more happy than seeing her two little girls playing together and having fun.

Here is the little chunk in all her glory. Look how those fatty thighs end up in those teeny tiny toes! She really has a spunky personality, too.

We rearranged our office/living room and had enough space to put Emily's "desk" in there. Now she can "work" (play games on the computer or practice writing) or do her "projects" (cutting and gluing on 12x12 scrapbook paper) while mom and dad try to get some work done. Occasionally Allison is her assistant.

Allison had her first taste of pizza [crust]. She is so interested in anything we are eating now (two huge bowls of cereal and fruit/veggies is not enough) so when we had pizza the other day I gave her a big piece of crust to "chew" on. Chew is in quotations because she does not have any teeth yet. See last photo. Nine months and counting...still no sign of them on the top or the bottom!

And Emily is learning to play the guitar. Kevin spent some unforetold amount of money to get his amp fixed, and has been playing a little bit [more]. Emily was able to get her fingers around part of the top and strum on the neck of the guitar. Let's just say it was loud. As you can see from the photo, she thought it was delightfully entertaining.

Gums. Just gums. It's okay with me, I guess. at least that way she still can't bite me. But she is already a small baby so without teeth she looks like half her age. I suppose it doesn't really matter. Does that look like a 9-month-old to you? She is so cute, though. We have to go in for her 9-month checkup tomorrow so we'll see what the doctor has to say. Oh, and did I mention she doesn't crawl either? I am happy for that - she can still sit in one place and play without me having to wonder where she is all the time. I don't think it's going to last much longer, though.